To the great joy of yours truly and my fellow travelers in the Progressive movement, the race for the Republican Presidential nomination continues to mirror the three week death march by the Boston Red Sox at the close of this year’s baseball season.
Despite President Obama’s continued vulnerability in the polls – the rabble simply do not know what’s best for them – the adults in the GOP are all taking a pass on the race. Frantic pleas from the Republican establishment notwithstanding, a steady stream of plausible nominees have declined to run, starting with Jeb Bush, followed in the ensuing months by Bobby Jindal, Marco Rubio, Mike Pence, Haley Barbour, Mitch Daniels, Paul Ryan and most recently Chris Christie. Thanks to the Florida Republican Party, the Iowa Caucus and the New Hampshire Primary may now be in December – forcing a stampede toward the early selection of a flawed nominee, who will have no chance against our man Barack in November.
So what are the Republicans left with? According to the latest Zogby Poll, the current standing of Republicans actually in the race are as follow:
Herman Cain: 38% and rising. Yes, you read that right. The pizza man, talk show host and current tea party favorite has moved up quickly in the polls after winning a Florida straw poll, despite never having served in elective office. Mr. Cain’s only prior elective experience was losing a U.S. Senate primary in Georgia, getting only 26.2% of the vote. Cain shows a shocking lack of knowledge, which does not seem to trouble his Know-Nothing supporters, who still have fond memories of their gal Sarah Palin. How does running a business qualify anyone to run a government? The guy simply has no experience. In a general election, our guy Barack would eat this guy for lunch.
Mitt Romney: 18% and stagnating. Mitt is the GOP intelligentsia’s last best hope to win the general election. Alas, Mitt’s numbers have failed to move much over the past four years, consistently staying at or below 20%. Republican primary voters all know Pandering Mitt, but 4 out of 5 still don’t like him, or trust him. Romney is still the snooty rich kid everyone hated in high school, and the bible thumpers still can’t get past the special underwear. The establishment is terrified that as soon as the tea baggers pick their horse, Mitt will be toast. They have every right to be. Remember what happened to Mike Castle? Mitt is next. This little video from the Perry campaign is just the start of what’s to come:
Rick Perry: 12% and dropping like a rock. The current Texas Governor makes his predecessor, W the ignorant, look like “the smart one.” Rick was at 41% in early August, but then he started opening his mouth at the debates, and it was all over; that, and folks started to read his book. Now, it comes out that Rick’s family owns a place called the “N—–head Ranch.” Perry raised $17 million before all that came out, but the money is about to dry up. Owning a ranch named with the “N word” is radioactive — at least outside of Texas. Stick a fork in Perry.
Ron Paul: 12% and has hit his ceiling. Twelve percent of likely Republican primary voters believe in black helicopter Fed conspiracies, doing away with Air Traffic Control and stop signs, and are certifiably insane. For Dr. Paul, those folks are his base. Unfortunately for the good doctor, the remaining 88% of the GOP electorate are somewhat sane, and will never go for him.
Newt Gingrich: 4% and doomed. As a former Speaker of the House who lead the 1982 Contract with America Republican Revolution, a 4% showing is an embarrassment. Newt’s entire staff resigned en masse when he insisted on a taking a Greek cruise with wifey-poo in the middle of the campaign. An insufferable, sanctimonious pant load even in his irrelevancy, Newt needs to save himself from further embarrassment and just go away, but he won’t.
Jon Huntsman, Jr.: 4% and in the wrong party. Probably the strongest general election candidate in the field, but you can’t stand up for science and against a literal interpretation of the Bible and win a Republican primary. Jon would likely pull 30% if he switched parties and took on Barack in New Hampshire, but he won’t.
Michele Bachmann: 3% and close to hitting bottom. Michele was riding high at 34% in June, but she lost everything when Perry entered the race the day she won the Iowa straw poll. Perry’s implosion has not seen her support return, and she has now become as irrelevant to this race as Alex Rodriguez in October.
Rick Santorum: 1% and going nowhere. Google his last name, and you’ll see why.
Gary Johnson: Below 1% and lucky to get an invite to a debate. How can a pro-drug, pro gay marriage atheist do so poorly with Republican primary voters? Gary was smoking dope when he thought he had a shot at this.
So there you have it. Romney might pull out a Christmas Day win in New Hampshire, but he has no chance in South Carolina, Florida or any other state outside New England. With Perry and Bachmann imploding, Herman Cain might actually run away with the nomination.
Now you know why the Republican beltway establishment was so aghast when Governor Chris Christie took a pass on the race last week. As my friend Bill Maher pointed out last night, the GOP insiders saw Christie as their last hope to reign in the wing-nuts, kicking them upside the head à la Tony Soprano.
Now, the rabble is set to run amok and nominate the national equivalent of Sharron Angle or Christine O’Donnell, who will promptly drive the Republican Party off a cliff. Independents may be disgusted with Barack, who has not been The One they have been waiting for, but where else are they going to go?
One word to my Progressive friends: It is far too early to celebrate. True, it’s hard to see Mitt making it past South Carolina, but if he somehow survives and wins the nomination, Romney could cause problems for Obama. After all, like Barack, Mitt will say or do anything to get elected.
More worrisome is the prospect that an early Romney disintegration could prompt a late entry into the GOP race. If Romney falters early, the establishment might yet find a savior who could cause us problems in November. Christie or Paul Ryan are possibilities, but if there were to be a late entry, my money would be on Mitch Daniels. Midget Mitch took a pass on the race this summer, saying his wife and daughters wanted no part of him volunteering for vivisection in the Republican primaries. Mitch knew the crazies would target him for his “truce on social issues” stance. If you want an idea of how the right wing nuts in the Republican base reacted to that, just go to this link and review some of the comments.
Why Governor Daniels as a late entry, you ask? The man just came out with a book, Keeping the Republic, and politicians don’t just come out with serious books like that unless they’re up to something. Waiting for a Romney collapse might be just the ticket for him – Lord Cheney and the Bushies in exile turn to Daniels in March, with desperate pleas that only he can save the party, and the country. Mild mannered, smarty-pants Mitch jumps in, rights the ship and gives Barack fits in the general election.
Hopefully it won’t come to that.